


tell me a different reality

by ongjeolmi



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M, Ongniel, Unrequited Love, also say yes to tumblr quotes, anyway how many song lyrics can i fit into this, i'm sorry seongwoo you deserve better than angst, just sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 13:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13858494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ongjeolmi/pseuds/ongjeolmi
Summary: if i lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?seongwoo wishes for a lot of things. he doesn't know what he's wishing for.





	tell me a different reality

Sometimes I wish you mean the things you do and the words you say, Seongwu thinks, but then he cancels that thought and starts over, because wishes are fickle things that need to be handled with care.

 

When Seongwu can’t sleep, he sits on the living room couch and turns on the television, the muted glow of the screen bursting out of the frame. He learns a new kind of quiet at 2am in the morning, when everyone is in bed and dreaming, and he’s awake with only the people in the television for company.

 

He remembers the one time when Daniel came out to the bathroom, and caught him in front of the lit screen at an ungodly hour.

 

“Hyung, it’s the middle of the night. What are you doing here?” Some advertisement was showing; the changing colours on the screen began a mini light disco on his white-blond hair. Seongwu had found it hard to look away.

 

“Can’t sleep.”

 

“Anything wrong?” He read the lilt in his tone, the busan accent coming through.

 

“Just thinking about the recording tomorrow.” Seongwu lies all the time nowadays. _Are you tired?_ No, I slept too stiffly last night. _Do you want extra servings?_ Not really. _Would you like to pair up with Daniel for the new season of wanna one go?_ I think it would be better for me to be with the younger members. To show a different side of me. 

 

Daniel had come over next to him. Seongwu felt the couch dip as he settled in.

 

“Don’t worry, I know you’ll do fine.” His eyes were earnest.

 

“Of course. I’m the variety show genius out of all of you.”

 

Daniel snorted. “I’m glad you think that way.”

 

He had flung his arm across Seongwu’s shoulders in a painfully casual motion, and like so many times he’d done before, allowed Seongwu to rest his head on his shoulder.

 

They had stayed like this, watching the characters in a drama act out their scenes, made-up lives blaring into the silence of the darkness. A woman was crying big, fat tears on the screen. A man in a suit sat at his desk with a grim expression after a phone call. A patient lay on a hospital bed hooked up to a bunch of wires. The heart monitor began beeping. It was frantic. _Beep beep beep beep beep beep_

 

When Seongwu woke up, the television was off and Daniel was asleep, the side of his face pressing into Seongwu’s hair. They were both lying on the couch, but half of Daniel’s body was hanging off. There had never been enough space, neither on the bed nor the couch, for the both of them to lie side by side comfortably.

 

Seongwu sat up, careful not to disturb him and shifted away to the farther end of the couch. He counted exactly four moles on Daniel’s right foot.

 

It was quiet, apart from the occasional roar of engines on the roads outside. If he stayed a little longer, he would have seen the dawn break over the skies, the orange sunrise filtering through the morning clouds.

 

For a moment, he closed his eyes, and drew himself in. Sometimes he wished he could curl into a ball and disappear for a little while. Disappear somewhere with Daniel.

 

They could go on a vacation to someplace quiet on the outskirts, a little café on the mountaintop, and laugh at stupid things over cups of coffee. They’d get matching foam moustaches, and Daniel would lean in to wipe it off for Seongwu.

 

They’d lock eyes and Seongwu would say _I have something to tell you_ _I love you so much I don’t know how I managed to keep it in all this time_ and Daniel would smile the brightest smile he’d ever seen they would kiss in the cold mountain air their noses red and their lips sweet and everything would be right for once.

 

Seongwu thinks about this (them) very often. Sometimes they would be at the beach, sunburnt from all the swimming with sand in their shoes, and other times they would be at a carnival with pretty lights and brilliant colours and the loud clacking of roller coasters speeding along their metal tracks they’d spin on the carousel and go numb on the viking-

 

“Hey. Seongwu? Hyung? You okay?” Daniel’s tapping him on the shoulder, concern in his eyes.

 

“Yeah… zoned out again.” Seongwu makes a face, averting his gaze. His mic pack had fallen off somehow. The coordi noonas really needed to fix it properly for him. It always came loose on stage.

 

“My Seongwu, they’re overworking you.” Daniel gives him a fond smile, one that Seongwu liked to think he reserved specially for him. Around them, the backstage is bustling with activity, make-up artists and stagehands rushing to prepare for their next stage. But then he looks into Daniel’s eyes and it’s just the two of them again.

 

Seongwu returns a grin. “My Daniel. I love you. Always worrying about poor old me.”

 

He gets better at hiding his _I love yous_ in plain sight, and from time to time Daniel says them back to him offhandedly, but nothing hurts more than knowing Daniel doesn’t mean it the same way he does.

 

Daniel moves closer and rearranges his fringe, his wrist brushing the tip of Seongwu’s nose. His heart stutters, and he thinks, he thinks a little crazily that the time is now.

 

He’ll reach up and touch his face like it’s something sacred, and he’ll press butterfly kisses on his nose, along his jaw and end up on his lips.

 

It’ll be like one of those old films where the main lead finally sees what he’s been waiting for has been next to him the whole time. The staff will play the shocked audience perfectly, (Jaehwan will yell “About time!”) and Daniel can grab his hand and they’ll trash the mics and the shiny suits and run off into the sunset.

 

But this is real life, and real life never lets him forget his place. Suddenly Jisung is in view and he’s saying something about the stage director wanting to see Daniel for his solo stage. He shoots Seongwu an apologetic glance and pulls him away.

 

Daniel shouts a “see you later hyung!” and Seongwu is left looking after him, wondering why Daniel walks away from him all the time, from them and what they could be.

 

What is the point, he thinks later, when they’re on stage and the fans are chanting _ongniel ongniel ongniel_ over and over _._ Out of the corner of his eye he sees Daniel laughing in embarrassment, and he thinks almost angrily, what is the point of it all.

 

_he’s tired of everything, but never of him_

 

Seongwu doesn’t stop dreaming. In his dreams Daniel doesn’t love him like a friend.

 

They’re sitting at the table in the dorm kitchen. Daniel pours him a glass of water, and winks at him. pretend it’s soju, he says, we can’t have the real deal here. we have minors in this house.

 

he drinks. “say something, i’m giving up on you,” he sings softly.

 

“nobody said it was easy…” dream-daniel picks up the next line.

 

“that’s a different song.” seongwu accuses. “i wasn’t singing that.”

 

“but it’s our song. ongniel is science.” daniel says, like that’s supposed to explain everything.

 

“why?”

 

no reason, daniel shrugs. science is real. we are real. that’s all.

 

“because the fans say so. right?”

 

he’s not sure, but he thinks daniel looks disapproving as he refills his glass. “do not speak as loud as my hea-ar-art.” daniel has a lovely voice.

 

seongwu takes another sip. the drink makes him brave. “ tell me you love me,” he sings.

 

I love you, daniel smiles, I really do.

 

Seongwu wakes, sticky in his perspiration. The cold pack is on the floor. He thinks of the dream, and feels his heart shatter in his chest.

 

 

 

to: danik

from: ong

 

_~~i saw you in my dreams again it felt~~_

_~~so real. you’re just outside but i miss~~_

_~~you so much~~_

__

_~~please don't leave me i just wanted~~_

_~~to say i love you~~_

 

_~~i don’t know how to say this but~~_

__ _daniel can you come in now i have_

_something to tell you_

 

 

 

Daniel doesn’t give him a chance. He’s always there when he needs him the most, and when everything ends Seongwu will be left, to fight his dependency on him.

 

They are pulled up in the van, a distance away from their company building, and he listens distractedly to the manager talking about how they’re going to have to walk the rest of the way, because they can’t run over the fans crowding at the entrance.

 

Seongwu dreads this part of the day the most. He hates walking through crowds, especially those that shoves big cameras in his face and pull at his clothes. He hates people touching him without his permission.

 

Someone rolls down a window, and the wind blasts in. The itch in his throat flares, and he coughs, acutely aware of the fever burning inside his body.

 

The door slides open, and they’re at once accosted by screaming fans. They squeeze through the crowd like always, but today the screams are especially piercing and they seem to drill a hole in his head.

 

For a second his vision blurs and he stumbles, but that’s all it takes for him to be separated from the group. The world around him spins in bright flashes, his knees graze the asphalt and the click-click of shutters makes him taste bile on his tongue. He’s on the verge of throwing up when suddenly Daniel is there, a warm hand on his back and he’s pulling him up and saying “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

 

He feels Daniel’s palm on his face, sees his eyes wide with worry and he finds there is wetness on his cheeks. Daniel takes his hand, and he thinks about how well their hands fit together. Belatedly, Seongwu realises his arm around him, and he allows himself to cling onto his shirt. Everything feels easier when the whole world fits inside of his arms.

 

Later in their room when Daniel’s putting cold packs on his forehead he looks at him and wonders how he’ll ever be able to stop loving him. “Daniel,” he mumbles, feeling the shape of his name in his mouth, “daniel, daniel, daniel, daniel.”

 

Daniel laughs. “I think you’re delirious from the fever. Anyway, don’t move around or the cold packs will fall off. I’ll leave you to rest first, hyung.”

 

Seongwu hears the door click shut and thinks he meant to say _i love you i love you i love you i love you_ instead. He wonders when daniel became a substitute for those three words.

 

_and he just wants to not be in love with his best friend anymore, because in daniel’s world a best friend and a lover are different things and seongwu doesn’t want to ruin things. he’s terrified daniel will find out one day._

_but he’s also hopeful because every glance and every touch is killing him slowly. in the end he’s still ong seongwu who’s helplessly in love with kang daniel. he wants to kiss him until they both forget their names and they’re just, just two boys, loving each other._

 

Sometimes he wishes Daniel would stop. Stop leaving his smiles around so carelessly, stop coming so close, stop saying I love you, just. stop being Daniel. He wishes he could stop being Seongwu, too.

 

 

 

 

_“i’m in love with you, sorry,”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hello thank you for reading this i would be really really really happy if you could leave me a review. i'd love to know what you thought of this!


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